If you’re thinking about retiring and trying to decide on a location, here are a few possible locations and things to consider about each:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
- You park three blocks away from your house because you find shade.
- You’ve experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
- You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
- You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
- You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
- The four seasons are: Tolerable, Hot, Really Hot and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- You make over $450,000 a year and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
- The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
- You know how to eat an artichoke.
- When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
- The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
New York City
You can retire to New York City where…
- You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
- You think Central Park is “nature”.
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
- You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
- You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can retire to Minnesota where…
- You only have 3 spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
- Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
- You have 17 recipes for casseroles.
- Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
- The highest level of criticism is “He is different”, “She is different” or “It was different”!
- The four seasons are: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Road Repair.
The Deep South
You can retire to The Deep South where…
- You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
- “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
- “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
- Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc…
- Everything is either: “in yonder”, “over yonder” or “out yonder”.
- You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart” at the end!
You can move to Colorado where…
- You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
- You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
- A pass does not involve a football or dating.
- The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
- You don’t pull weed from your lawn, you buy it at the shop down the street.
FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where…
- You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
- All purchases include a coupon of some kind – even houses and cars.
- Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist or orthopedist.
- Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
- Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
OR, you can stay where you are now and be happy. The choice is yours!
Great Pacific Escrow Team